JimK:  OK, so maybe you heard, maybe you didn’t, but Len Wiseman will be directing a fast-tracked Gears of War movie.  Whatever.  Maybe you hate him, maybe you don’t.  Maybe you fear a thin-ass storyline in a game being made into an even thinner premise for a two-hour flick.  Me?  Do. Not. Care.  I want to see chainsaw duels, chainsaw duels and more god-damned chainsaw duels.  They give me at least three chainsaw duels and some serious gibbing of Locusts and I’m gonna be just fine with whatever the hell story gets told.

Time to play casting director.  The first role I’d cast is Cole Train, and it’s a no-brainer for me; LL Cool J.  No one else should get that role under any circumstances.  He will treat it will all the stupidity and tongue-in-cheek delivery of obviously shit lines that it deserves. He looks the part, he’s jacked as fuck.  Ladies Love Cool James, so put him in the movie and you might get a dozen or so women to see it.

Dude, Gears of War: The Movie is SO going to be a sausage fest.

As for Marcus Fenix?  One person looks 110% the part for him.  He talks like him, walks like him and looks exactly like the video game character, and that person is David Michael Bautista Jr.  You may know him simply as WWE’s Batista.  He can act plenty enough for this role.  Plus he’s approximately (and appropriately) mountain-sized. 

He’s like, born for this role!  But, if the WWE thing is too much baggage, then Dominic Purcell from Prison Break is your Fenix.  But Batista is a better choice.

Dom?  I was thinking Evan Seinfeld (known for Biohazard, Oz, banging Tera Patrick). Damon can be anyone in Hollywood who can speak . Actually Dominic Purcell would fit here as well if you cast Batista as Fenix.

Now you get to play casting director.  Who do you cast?