I liked Ultraviolet.  Well, not liked really, but enjoyed.

Duuuude…. Get help.

Agreed. Jim, this is an intervention.

NO!  I DON’T NEED ANY OF YOU!  I’M FINE!  I AM NOT AN ADDICT.  LEAVE ME ALONE!

Can someone just give me twenty bucks so I can buy the unrated DVD?  Come on.  What the fuck?  You know you owe me that much.  JUST GIMME THE FUCKING MONEY ALREADY!

*slap*

Oh, also, and I forgot to say this in the post, but “The Zombie-Slaying Adventures of Mary Sue Whoopass” is particularly awesome as a turn of phrase.

Maybe we could try and do it as a rifftrax type thing, in the style of “Wizard People, Dear Reader”.

Oh boy, more completely uninspired crap from the puckered asshole of W. S. Anderson! The first one was passable entertainment. The second was a godawful, slopped-together mess that made me want to throw up my nachos into the bucket of greasy popcorn. Probably would have, but theater popcorn is expensive. The third was better than the second, but it was still a shit sandwich. I wont bother with 4 unless it has Milla Jovovich having a massive lesbian orgy with all of her clones. If not, I can get my fix with The Fifth Element, which has her boobies and is actually watchable, unlike that goddamned cancerous polyp on the rectum of cinema known as the Resident Evil franchise.

And Ultraviolet? Jesus Jim, that movie was so bad you’d think that Uwe Boll made it!

I actually managed to sneak 1 and 2 on my Netflix list without my wife noticing them.  Got my older son to watch them with me, and now we are eagerly awaiting #3.  Milla kicking ass makes the movie enjoyable, although I did think the second one left alot of promising stuff undone.  While waiting, I did introduce him to Milla in the Fifth Element.  Needless to say my 15 year old really liked it.  Or at least really liked her in it.

Jim, since you seem to also like chicks kicking ass, did you like Alias?

Jim, since you seem to also like chicks kicking ass, did you like Alias?

I LOVED it when I thought it was a show about a girl dealing with her cocksucker of a father and a bad evil dude with a world-wide conspiracy involving ancient artifacts, plus a totally nerdy tech nut who was like the Q of the show.  When Abrams abandoned the plot, I started playing video games while it was on.

We sort of watched it til the end out of obligation and completism.

And Ultraviolet? Jesus Jim, that movie was so bad you’d think that Uwe Boll made it!

I know, I know.  If I was actually capable of shame, I’d probably feel it. 

Until Mila starts showing her boobs again, I ain’t watching anything she is going to put out there.  What’s the point.  I can watch the 5th Element and get my fill of the Mary Sue Whoopass.  My vote for the QUEEN of the Mary Sue Whoopass’ has to be Kate Beckinsale.  I would soooo take a roundhouse kick in the face from her.

You know I like Mila, she fun to watch on screen. She got this lovely aniated face and magnetic eyes. Sometimes; just sometimes; if she’s got decent material to work with she can kinda act too. So mayhap RE 4 could be fun.

Buuutt.. I just can’t see how anyone want to see more of the great plains.

And Ultraviolet? Jesus Jim, that movie was so bad you’d think that Uwe Boll made it!

I know, I know.  If I was actually capable of shame, I’d probably feel it.  wink

Okay, screw BOTH of you! Dont you go apologizing, Jim… hold your ground! I also liked Ultraviolet as a fun little movie. It entertained me and sometimes that’s all you want out of a flick, Hell, why do you think I’ve got Timeline sitting at home waiting to be watched? *points to her Netflix queue on the sidebar* Because I think it’s going to be a masterpiece? No… it’s for a night I just want to see some action and I don’t give a shit about plot or thin characters. Time and place, man.

As for RE… I really liked RE 1, liked RE 2 alright and didn’t like 3 much. Will I see RE 4? Absolutely! I, like Jim, love watching Milla in pretty much anything. And since I don’t play the games I could give two shits whether or not their faithful to the story because I don’t know the story.

There. I’ve said my piece. *prepares herself for the throwing of the stones*

I only have five words in response:

Serrated katana and nose filters.

Serrated katana and nose filters.

I could almost forgive the first one, I know it’s silly but could look cool.. but the nOsE fIlTeRs?

No no, whit Rann all the way on that one.

I think the serrated katana bugs me just because it kind of invalidates the whole point of a katana’s design. I understand that they were just trying to look cool, but… I mean, a katana’s already an easy bit of “I am cool and badass!” in the action movie world. Making it serrated just seems to be trying so ridiculously hard that it induces painful amounts of eye rolling.

Ok, I’m friggin shallow. My problem with the series? At Episode 3 they stopped with the nudity. Let’s face it - the only reason to watch these movies over some other random crap on Skinemax is that Milla Jovavich has a hot body (albeit with breasts smaller than mine). Episode 4 will likely be downhill from 3. ‘Nuff said.