Oh sure, Freddy’s a freakishly powerful vengeful spirit, as we all know from the lore, even leaving aside the movie where he’s actually a meme of primal horror or something.

But take a minute and think about the things he’s done. He’s rewritten reality on a whim, on nothing more than the necessity of the one around whom he’s rewriting it being asleep. He’s fashioned the dream world into his own sick little universe over which he reigns supreme, which means that either there was no one powerful (or evil) enough to do so before he came along, or he kicked whatever demonic motherfucker had it before out and took it for his own. All it takes is a little belief in him, and not just the dream world but the real world is his plaything.

Belief strengthening his powers only adds to the idea that Freddy is actually a deity of some sort, and sleep is communing with him… even if you’re praying to some other god to get you the fuck away from him. And if he’s really as deific as all that… what if he decided he didn’t like his own limitations and just made them go away?

3. Charlie Brown Has A Conspiracy Against Him

Okay, maybe not so much “scary” as “sad and depressing”, but it’s Halloween-related. Charlie Brown gets a rock. He always gets a rock. Let’s leave aside the fact that he’s in a neighborhood full of sick bastards that apparently collect rocks before Halloween to give to some kids while others get candy. The fact that poor Chuck always gets the rock, every time, means that basically this neighborhood would have to be conspiring against him.

All of them would have to make sure that they have at least one rock to give out. All of them. Then, just to make sure that none of them slipped up and gave a rock to some other kid in a bedsheet with holes cut in it, they’d have to call around to all their neighbors and say “Yeah, that little Charlie Brown fuck’s the one in the sheet with all the different holes in it. Make sure to give the little bastard some rock candy, haw haw!”

If you want to take it to its saddest, most depressing extreme, figure that to make absolutely sure no one slips up and drops a piece of candy in there, his parents call ahead and warn people what costume he’s wearing.

4. Clover Has Really Tough Skin

Seems like no big deal, right? After all, what kaiju doesn’t have skin that can easily shrug off rocket-propelled grenades and even missiles?

But Cloverfield is supposed to be the “realistic” giant monster movie. Sure, all the info is in strange, scattered places, but it’s all supposed to make sense. And as any whaler can tell you, an oceangoing creature doesn’t necessarily have armor plating just because it’s big and dives deep. But Clover survives all kinds of shooting, explosions, and quite possibly lives through the biggest ordinance that the armed forces are willing to use on US soil. So it’s obviously evolved to stand up to a lot of punishment. But things don’t evolve defenses like that for no reason at all.

Which means that it’s entirely possible there’s something out there that is intended to be a predator to Clover’s species. Yeah, that’s right… something that hunts, kills, and eats those things.

5. ALL The Damn Ghosts Got Out

Towards the end of the first movie, the Ecto-Containment Unit is shut off by Agent Dickless of the EPA. The gigantic column of energy blasting into the sky is the bajillion ghosts that the guys have caught up to that point being released all at once. They then begin wreaking havoc on New York.

But it seems the Ghostbusters were themselves busted and put out of business not too long after. Wouldn’t most of these ghosts still be running around? Hell, Slimer at the very least seems to not only be free, but to now be free to roam where he wishes, no longer confined to the area of his previous haunting. And did that column disperse the ghosts? Is the world now infested with completely free-roaming ghosts?

Obviously there’s plenty of ghosts still around by the second movie, as it never really addresses the matter of what happened to the first batch… for that matter, what about all the ooze? Was one night of singing and brotherhood by New York enough to dry it up and turn it positive? Or are they going to have new ghosts exploding out of nowhere the next time there’s a traffic jam?

6. Holy Shit Zombies

In real life.

Remember back in 2007, in Peru? That “meteor” hit, and people started having strange symptoms? Only then it wasn’t a meteor but some sort of explosion? And then it wasn’t an explosion but something else but don’t pester us about it stupid reporters?

Yeah. So right about now would be when the zombies have wandered around through the Peruvian jungles, finding various curious American explorers to chomp on, plaguing ancient tribes, and of course being ferried to a variety of research facilities around the world, just waiting for someone to do something stupid and unleash them upon the city populace.

Just in time for Halloween, when people people would be complimenting the zombies on their great costumes right up until teeth sank into flesh.