Rann:  Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you may at least be vaguely aware that American celebrities often go to Japan to make commercials. People you think would never make an American commercial in a million years (or at least until their career was practically dead) will gladly make complete goofballs of themselves on Japanese television to hawk gum and canned drinks.

What is the reason for this phenomenon? Do the Japanese companies just pay that well? Do the actors feel “safe” doing it because they’re easy money for something the majority of their fanbase will never see? Do they see it as a chance to take a paid “working vacation” in Japan? Maybe they just like being silly every so often?

Of course, the one to beat in terms of crazy Japanese commercials is Arnold Schwarzenegger gulping down an energy drink and turning into the world’s biggest fire hazard superhero. But while these are simply and plainly insane, the best series of these commercials have to be the Alien Jones commercials for Suntory Coffee.

There’s the basic story, right there. In short, Alien Jones makes his way across Japan, working a variety of different jobs as he learns about Earth and its people.

The thing about these commercials is that I can honestly say they’re better than a lot of television shows. Just like a TV show, the “pilot” is a little unpolished, but the commercials quickly settle into a formula that works for them. Generally, Alien Jones will make some rather unflattering observations about Earth, and how he just doesn’t find it all that great. Then, at the end, he finds something he really enjoys or thinks is wonderful. In a couple of them it’s just the canned coffee, but much more often it’s actually something beautiful or philosophical or just real… which he ponders while drinking the coffee.

Alien Jones gets a job in delivery and observes peoples’ obsession with speed, and our traffic laws:

Alien Jones makes much the same observations after finding himself just as rushed, and gets a little of his own back against the smirky cops:

One of my favorites, Alien Jones gets a job in a karaoke bar and reports on his opinion of Earth music:

Yes, you do in fact get to see Tommy Lee Jones sing in Japanese.

Alien Jones has no patience for your lack of parenting skills fucking up everyone’s trip through airport security:

Alien Jones visits Akihabara and a cosplay cafe, and discovers the appeal of Japan’s obsession with cloyingly cute girls:

I realized when I watched this next one that I actually had bought into these things as a kind of series, in that I actually expected continuity out of it.

I actually expected Alien Jones to forsake his mission and settle down, and at least have one more commercial of living family life before dramatically realizing that he has to continue. But alas, the next commercial sees him working as an extra in a samurai movie, and pondering the nature that in life, there are big names and extras, in all things as in acting.

The next sees him musing on the dynamic between adults and kids, and what complicated creatures teenagers can be:

It’s here you can see how the character of Alien Jones has actually developed through these commercials. He’s effectively become “humanized” enough to worry about others and let himself get a little distracted when trying to pay attention to other stuff. He’s becoming less flawless, and ever more interesting as a character. (Yes, I still know they’re fucking canned coffee commercials.)

Number sixteen is probably my absolute favorite of the series. It sees Alien Jones move into pondering possibly one of the deepest questions of human existence… why we’re so stupid and stubborn that we just keep throwing ourselves into danger for the sake of what we see as progress. It also sees Alien Jones move from just a guy passing through in all these professions and into an out-and-out hero, safeguarding the lives of his human coworkers, and being rewarded for it with the final, truly human lift of triumph at overcoming nature’s challenges.

So, yeah, for a series of goofy Japanese commercials, I’ve probably gotten as much enjoyment out of them as I do a season of the average network TV show. There are a few others that I didn’t post, they’re not that hard to find. I’d definitely have to list Alien Jones as one of the best characters I’ve ever seen Tommy Lee Jones play, too.

So, yeah, there’s your dose of dorky awesome from me for the day.